One Moment More
by Oliviet
Summary: "She groans as her eyes adjust to the lighting around her, or rather lack thereof. It's pitch black aside from a single beam of light shining from her right. A flashlight she quickly realizes. She turns her head toward the direction of the beam, drawing in a sharp breath at what it illuminates." Based on the Bones episode, Aliens in a Spaceship.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello Hello. This is a prompt from tumblr I filled and then was encouraged to make into a longer story. It's still pretty short, only about 4 chapters, but it expands upon what I had originally written. Thank you shout outs to Nadia for making the awesome cover art and Raina for assuring me the pacing worked well.

* * *

She groans as her eyes adjust to the lighting around her, or rather lack thereof. It's pitch black aside from a single beam of light shining from her right. A flashlight she quickly realizes. She turns her head toward the direction of the beam, drawing in a sharp breath at what it illuminates. Beckett turns her head to the side, sees Ryan sitting there with the same troubled expression on his face she's sure is present on hers.

"Ryan," she croaks out his name, confused as to why her voice sounds so hoarse. "How?"

He shines the light around the rest of the car, every window revealing dirt instead of sky.

"You don't think someone just covered your car in dirt do you? To give off the illusion that we were -" he trails off, not willing to finish that sentence.

No, no, no this isn't happening. This is impossible. There's no way.

Beckett glances warily out her driver's side window. "Do we dare try to roll down a window and find out?"

"That could just end in disaster if we really aren't above ground. Try your radio."

She tries the police radio first, barely getting static feedback as a response. Ryan reaches for the dials on the radio of the musical variety, but can't manage to find a signal on any of the stations either.

"How?" Beckett asks again. "This guy was burying people in shipping crates, not full cars."

This a joke. Some sick, twisted joke. She's ready for the host of this stupid prank show to run out and say "gotcha."

Ryan shakes his head. "What's the last thing you remember?"

"We had him in our sights. We got out of the car and were chasing him on foot and then..."

His eyes widen. "Right? I can't remember anything past that."

"Do you think we were drugged?" she asks, spying what might be a needle mark on his neck. It's hard to tell with this lighting, so she reaches up to turn on the overhead lights. They don't help much, but it's an improvement. "There's something on your neck. Do I have one too?"

She turns her head and can see him nodding out of her peripheral vision.

"I don't know how, but it happened. How else did we get stuck here?"

She feels like she's going to be sick. "Better question, how do we get out?"

Ryan grows silent, shining the flashlight around at the windows again. "What happens when we run out of air? There's two of us. We'll die half as fast as the other victims."

She feels her blood run cold at the thought. "This car is bigger than those shipping crates though. That should help, shouldn't it?"

They fall into another silence, fear lacing its way through their veins.

"How deep do you think we're buried?" Ryan asks, his voice barely above a whisper.

"I wouldn't think very deep because it's a car, but - do you even think we're still in New York?"

He lets out a long, frustrated sigh, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Maybe it's a good thing the wedding is still two months away. I can't make Jenny a widow if I never married her."

Beckett reaches out and smacks his arm. "Don't think like that. We're going to get out of here."

"How, Beckett? If we're not even in New York anymore, how will they ever find us? Even if we are -"

"Do you think the GPS on our phones still work?" she cuts him off. "Could they be tracking those?"

"What if they don't even realize that we're missing until it's too late?" he asks, ignoring her.

"Kevin," she grits out his first name in an attempt to get him to snap out of it.

"How are you not thinking about it?" he asks softly. "About everything you have to lose?"

She lets out a deep exhale, frustration and anxiety forming a knot in the pit of her stomach.

"Because I did not survive a bullet through the heart to die a couple months later being buried alive."

He gets quiet again after that, flicking off the flashlight, and sinking back against the seat. Even now she can feel the tears prickling at her eyes. She doesn't want to think about it, _can't_ think about it. Can you lose something you never even had?

"Did you hear what he said?" Beckett asks when she can't stand the silence any longer.

"Hear what who said? Our killer?"

She knows he means _our_ because that's how they refer to their perps all of the time. But there still feels like there's a double meaning attached today.

"No. Castle. When I - when I got shot."

He nods, turning to face her in the dim overhead lighting. "Did you?"

She presses a hand against her chest, the swelling anxiety making her scar feel tight. "I've been lying to him, Kev. He thinks I didn't hear him, but -" She swallows down the words. Saying them to Dr. Burke was hard enough. "We have to get out of here. He has to know that I - that I -"

"You love him too," Ryan supplies.

Beckett nods, chewing on her lower lip.

"Why keep it from him? We've all seen the way he looks at you. He clearly wasn't just making it up in the heat of the moment."

She skims her index finger mindlessly around the steering wheel. "He never tried to say it again while he was sure I was conscious. I just wanted to be sure I guess. But facing my mortality for a second time...I'm sure. When we get out of this, I'm going to tell him."

"Yeah, but Kate, _how_ are we going to get out of this?"

* * *

When he hears the knock on the front door of the loft, a part of him hopes that it's Beckett. She's been opening herself up to him slowly again lately. It was like she was finally beginning to tear down that wall she had told him about that day on the swing set. And he was ready. Ready for her to walk through that door, wanting to start something however small.

But when Castle pulls open the front door, Beckett isn't the one standing there. Esposito is.

He opens his mouth to greet him when Esposito starts talking before he can even get a word out. "Have you heard from Beckett? Or Ryan even?"

Castle scrunches his eyebrows together. "I - no. They went to chase down that lead and I came home to help Alexis with something for school. You haven't heard from them yet? Hasn't it been like two hours?"

He feels his breath catch in his throat, his stomach filling with dread. But maybe he's wrong. Please let him be wrong.

"No one at the precinct has heard from them. And I'm worried that we were right about our suspect being our killer and -"

"No," Castle cuts him off, not wanting to hear him say the words they're both thinking.

"Two hours, Castle, and we can't get a hold of them. What else could it be?" Esposito pauses, his face going pale. "Unless they're already dead."

"No," he responds, more forcefully this time, shaking his head. "They can't be - We'll find them." He starts looking around the loft frantically for his keys and his phone. "We'll find them."

"I was supposed to be the one with my partner," Esposito says softly from his spot rooted in the doorway. "But I was talking to Lanie and Ryan thought I was taking too long so he grabbed Beckett instead. She shouldn't even be there. If something happens to her - if something happens to either of them -"

Castle tries to search his brain for something reassuring to say. But he's normally the one stuck with Beckett in these near death situations. He's not use to being on the other side. And Esposito is the last person he ever thought he'd have to offer comfort to.

"Don't start blaming yourself for this," Castle says, finally locating his phone and pulling it away from the charger. "We don't even know if they've been...buried." He pauses as he picks up his keys. "Is Gates even going to let me help with this?"

"We're down two detectives. As much as she doesn't like you, I can't see her turning away the help on this one."

Castle follows Esposito out to his car, feeling very out of place in his passenger seat. He almost doesn't want to ask the next question that pops into his mind, but knows that if he doesn't at least try to work it out with someone, it will just gnaw away at him.

"Do you think he buried them separately or together? Because if they're in the same crate, they're going to run out of air twice as fast."

He hears Esposito curse under his breath. "What happened to that 'we don't even know if they've been buried' attitude you had going on?"

Castle shrugs, slumping in the seat as he stares at the window while Esposito pulls the car into traffic. "I guess I can't chase the thought out of my head."

Silence fills the car, the noises of city traffic taking over. Castle eventually decides that he has to speak again or else the thoughts in his head will take him to a very dark place.

"What made you decide to come get me?" he asks. "I mean you could have just called."

Esposito draws the silence out a moment longer before he finally answers. "I had to get out of the precinct. Waiting for them to return my calls was making me a little crazy. I tried going where Ryan said they were headed first, but there was nothing to find. Figured while I was out, I might as well bring you in to help."

There's another long pause that only gets stretched out longer as a fire truck and ambulance try to make their way through the traffic to save whoever needs saving.

"They're like family to me, you know?" Esposito says once the sound of the sirens has faded into the distance.

Castle nods, the worry still knotting and twisting in his stomach. "Yeah, I know."


	2. Chapter 2

"How much of a say in the wedding planning has Jenny given you?"

A part of her feels like they shouldn't be talking to try and conserve oxygen, especially now that they've long since given up on formulating a plan to get them out of here. They've resigned themselves to the hands of their team, to fate. There's a voice in her head that adds 'to death' and that's exactly why she keeps talking. In the silence, her thoughts will only cause her hysteria.

"Not much of it," Ryan shrugs, still aimlessly fiddling with the flashlight in his hands. "I mean I went cake taste-testing with her, but ultimately her favorite won. She did let me pick the dinner menu as a compromise. And this weekend we were supposed to audition bands together."

She doesn't like his form of tense, the way he talks about things like they won't be happening now.

"You'll still get to do that," she tries, hating how even her voice is lacking hope.

He changes the subject instead. "If we get out of here, what do you think is going to happen with you and Castle?"

Oh she would so much rather talk about the wedding he fears won't be happening now.

"I don't know," Beckett sighs, her gaze dropping down to her hands in her lap.

"Well what do you want to happen?"

"I want him to forgive me for lying to him."

"Is that all?" Ryan presses.

She feels like she's being interrogated by Lanie here.

"No, I - I want to be with him."

She wants to feel the press of his lips against hers again, this time without the pretense of their being undercover and her already dating someone else. She wants to feel him moving over her, his muscles rippling under her hands as he takes over the edge again and again. Beckett bites her lower lip to try and suppress the moan that threatens to escape with the mental image.

But now that her mind has gone there, she can't get it back. Her eyes involuntarily slip closed as she remembers the grip of his fingers through her hair as he pulled her mouth to his. She thinks about that moan he pulled out of her, that she thought about for weeks afterwards wondering if he had heard it. She thinks about the moans he could pull out of her now with his mouth, his fingers, his -

"Beckett, you okay?"

Her eyes snap open and she looks over at Ryan with an embarrassed flush. She ducks her head, her curtain of hair shielding her undoubtedly bright red cheeks.

"Shit, you have it really bad for him, don't you?" Ryan teases. "And he doesn't even know."

"He knows," Beckett throws back, defensively, thinking about what she told him that day on the swings. But then again, she's not very good at words, at communicating. Maybe he doesn't know.

"Does he?" Ryan asks the question lingering in her mind.

She wishes there was something else to look at besides dirt. Wishes there was somewhere she could escape to so she could avoid having this conversation.

"Can we go back to talking about your wedding or something?" she pleads.

He shakes his head, fidgeting with the flashlight again. "Thinking about how I might not get to marry the love of my life depresses me too much. I don't want to talk about it."

"And you think I'm okay with talking about how I've probably missed my chance with Castle? That he may never even know how much I -" she chokes on the word, its syllables getting caught in her throat.

"Love him," Ryan supplies again.

She nods, picking at a hangnail on her thumb. "Kev, what you and Jenny have...I've never loved somebody like that, never been _loved_ by somebody like that. I mean I've been in love, but -"

"I know what you mean," he assures her, reaching out to put a hand on her shoulder. "Do you think you and Castle could have that?"

She thinks about that kiss again. About the way his face lights up when he sees her, about the way she's sure hers now does the same.

"I want to. I want to believe that we could be...extraordinary."

"But what's holding you back?"

Beckett glares at him. "What are you my shrink now?"

Ryan holds up his hands in defense. "I'm just trying not to think about dying."

"So you get me to talk about this? Something that may end up being one of my biggest regrets if we don't make it out of here? Really excellent last words."

"Fine," he says, slumping back in his seat. "Would you prefer to talk about the weather? A lot of rain lately, huh?"

She huffs, picking up her cell phone from the cup holder, glaring at the words "no service" in the top left corner. She swipes her thumb across the screen to unlock it and pulls up the notepad app.

"What are you doing?" Ryan asks, watching her. "Do we actually have service down here?"

He pulls his phone out of his pocket and frowns when he's met with the same "no service" icon.

"I'm writing Castle a note," she sighs.

Ryan scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion. "A note? On your phone?"

"Well I don't have any paper," Beckett retorts. "But if we don't make it, if they don't find us in time, I have things I want to say to him. And maybe he won't see it. But maybe my dad will and he'll show him - shit, I should write something for him too."

"This is really depressing, you know? You saying your goodbyes."

She knows that it is. Knows that as soon as she starts to actually write these notes, she's going to breakdown, lose whatever composure she has left. But she can't leave him wondering about her. Even if he has to hear it from a stupid note on her phone, she is finally going to tell him the truth.

* * *

Castle wrings his hands together nervously as he stares up at the murder board. This guy has no pattern for where he's been burying his victims. So what are they supposed to do? Dig up every vacant lot in the city with the hopes that Beckett and Ryan will be there still alive? No, no that will take too much time. What they need to do is find their killer and get him to talk. Hell, Castle was even prepared to pay the bastard a large sum of money if it meant he would tell them where his friends were.

"We're in luck," Esposito says, moving to stand beside Castle at the murder board. "The security camera at the bank across from where Ryan and Beckett went managed to capture something with its ATM cam."

"Something we can actually use? Or just the images of their feet to put them at the scene?"

The questions earn him an annoyed look from Esposito.

"It caught the license plate of a guy putting two very unconscious looking people in his back seat."

"What, he thought the trunk was too conspicuous?"

The comment earns him another look. He's not being helpful. He knows it. But if he doesn't displace his worry into anger he's going to go insane.

"Let me guess," Castle starts. "We tracked the plates back to someone who has reported their car stolen."

Esposito shakes his head. "Car was never reported stolen. And it's registered to the suspect Ryan and Beckett went to go interview. We put an APB out on that car and on Beckett's as well. The guy must have moved it somewhere to throw us off his trail because it seems to have vanished right along with them."

"So what, we just sit around here and wait for these cars to turn up?" Castle asks, his frustration growing. "That isn't good enough. We have to _do_ something."

"What, you don't think I want them back as badly as you do?" Esposito accuses. "I'm open to ideas here if you've got them."

 _I'm open to dumb ideas here_.

That's what she'd said to him minutes before he kissed her. Minutes before she stuck her tongue down his throat as her body listed into his. Given a few more minutes with her like that, with her lips searing against his, he's sure his hands would have gotten him in trouble. That he would have groped something he shouldn't, too caught up in the sensation of _her_ to fully comprehend the gravity of the situation.

God, they needed to find them. He had to tell her that he loved her again and make damn well sure that she heard him this time. She had to know. To be given that piece of information that will likely change everything if it hasn't already.

He's nearly lost her far too many times for him not to be able to bring her home at night and show her just how much she's truly loved.

"So I'm going to take your silence as a 'no' to having any ideas," Esposito's voice cuts through his thoughts.

"Doesn't the DMV have this guy's address?"

"It's a fake," he sighs. "I had some unis check it out. The building where he claims to live burned down five months ago."

"And what happens when they find the car and there's no one in it? There has to be something more, Espo. They deserve more."

* * *

Beckett reads over her note on her phone, wiping at the tears that have spilled onto her cheeks. She can hear Ryan tapping away at this phone and assumes that he's opted to write a note to Jenny. That voice is back in her head, telling her that they've resigned themselves to death.

And maybe they have. Maybe this is all that's left.

That same voice in her head tells her that at least she isn't leaving behind a child like her mother did.

 _Castle, if you're reading this, I probably didn't make it. And I don't want you or Esposito or anyone else to blame yourselves for not getting to us in time. I know you, I know our team, I know you were doing everything in your power to bring Ryan and I back home safe. It's not your fault, okay? Don't fall down rabbit holes chasing dragons like I did. It's not worth the pain._

 _But really, I wrote this because there's something I've been wanting to tell you. Something that I really wish I'd had the guts to say to you in person. I remember everything about the day I was shot. I've been lying to you. It seems stupid now, but I was scared. Afraid that what you said was just in the heat of the moment and meant nothing more. But I'm in love with you. I don't know when it happened, but it did. And I hate that I wasted all of this time worrying, instead of acting on my feelings._

 _I really think that you and I could have been great together. And it kills me, okay that's bad wording, that we never got to know what it was like to be together. Instead we've been living off of a kiss which I'm still not sure how much of it was fake and how much of it was real. Living off of whispered promises every time we've been in a situation like I am now, only with you at my side._

 _I love you, Richard Castle. And I'm so sorry that you were never able to hear me utter the words._


	3. Chapter 3

"We've got the car!"

Castle's head snaps up at the news, his legs instantly propelling him out of his seat.

"And the suspect?" he asks. "Any sign of him?"

"Uniforms are bringing in a guy matching his description," Esposito explains.

"Good. This is good right? We managed to catch him."

"Yeah, but this whole thing is still worrying me. When Ryan and Beckett tried to question this guy they ended up missing. Why is he letting himself be brought in now?"

"Maybe he knows we're on to him," Castle suggests. "He took them for insurance purposes. If he doesn't get the deal he wants, he'll let them die."

He hates himself for even suggesting it the moment the thought leaves his lips. This can't be happening. At what lengths is the DA office willing to go to in order to save two of New York's Finest? What if this guy won't give up their location until he knows it's too late? Until he knows that all of their air is gone?

So much for this being good.

"We'll take a crack at him," Esposito says, cracking his knuckles for emphasis. "We'll get him to talk."

"I'm afraid Mr. Castle will be sitting this one out," Gates says, stepping out of her office.

"But, Sir -" Castle tries.

"I'll be in the interrogation room with Esposito on this one," she explains. "We can't afford to screw this interview up and I fear that you're far too emotional to interrogate him successfully, Mr. Castle. I also have the ADA on the line, in case that you are correct and he'll only give up their location in exchange for some sort of deal."

He hates being sidelined. Even more so when Beckett's life is on the line. Of course, his life is usually on the line right along with her. No wonder Esposito feels like he should be there with Ryan. He feels like he should be there with his partner too.

But there's no arguing with Gates. Especially not without Beckett here to back him up. So he settles in behind the interrogation window, practically holding his breath as their suspect is brought in.

He's a big guy, his arms all muscles. They would have to be from all those people he's buried, from all of the digging. His head is bald, the top of it still managing to shine even in the dim lighting of the room. The thing that creeps him out the most is the intensity of his ice blue gaze. Castle feels like he's staring right past Esposito and Gates in the room and straight through the mirror at him.

It's like the guy knows that he's standing there, knowing exactly what he's taken from him. He knows Beckett would probably give him an eye roll and a smack on the arm for thinking of her as something that belongs to him. But she's his partner...and hopefully so much more.

He needs her alive. Her and Ryan both. And the way things seem to be going in there, that seems easier said than done. The smug bastard isn't talking. He isn't even gracing them with a mumble. He just continues to stare straight ahead, unmoving.

Castle finds himself wondering what Beckett would do to break him. He remembers her shoving Vulcan Simmons into the glass, shattering the mirror behind him, when he started pushing the wrong buttons about her mother. He's heard her voice, dripping with venom, threaten, coax, _growl_ at many a suspect. Kate Beckett was someone you did not want to go toe to toe with.

But as Gates's frustration continues to mount against this man's silence, he notices the same venom slip into her voice. Even Esposito looks scared. Victoria Gates was someone you didn't want to mess with either.

"I'm not playing games here, Lewis. I want my people back and I want them back alive. Tell me where they are and our ADA might be kind enough to grant you the option of parole."

Yeah she was pretty terrifying. It made Castle wonder what she was like as a detective. She and Beckett probably had more in common than they realized.

Lewis clucks his tongue, finally drawing his gaze away from the mirror to look at Gates. "Possibility of parole? Is that your best offer?"

"You're a serial killer and you think we're just going to let you walk out of here a free man?" Esposito asks.

His gaze travels over to look at Esposito. "I don't recall confessing to any of these murders. What makes you think I even know where these missing cops are? You got any evidence?"

"Yeah, a tape of you stuffing their unconscious bodies into a car that's registered to your name," Esposito tells him. "Where are they?"

"Can you prove it's me on the tape? Or just my car? Cause they ain't gonna hold up in court."

"Listen here, you son-of-a-bitch," Gates starts, and wow has she ever sworn in front of them before? "If those two detectives you kidnapped die, that will increase your punishment significantly. The DA's office doesn't take lightly to cop killers. So do yourself a favor and tell me where they are."

Oh yeah she was definitely not one to mess with.

* * *

By the time Gates and Esposito manage to make a deal with the devil in exchange for the location of their missing squad members, Castle fears that it's already too late. He's been keeping track of time, mentally comparing it to how long Lanie said the other victims had once they were buried. If they've been buried as long as they've been missing, they've already run out of air.

He rides with Esposito to the landfill where their killer claims to have buried their car. _Their car._ An entire vehicle with two people inside. If he wasn't so worried about the passengers, he might actually be impressed. How does one manage to bury an entire car?

There are uniforms already at the scene by the time they arrive. They're hard at work digging by the marker they were instructed to. Castle prays it isn't too late. Ryan deserves to be able to marry the love of his life. And Kate - he needs to tell her he loves her again. Make sure she hears it this time.

He and Esposito rush to the uniform's aid. There aren't enough shovels for them both, so Castle kneels down in the dirt, scooping loose handfuls of earth out of the way as though it's actually making a difference in the digging process. He has to save her, save _them_.

The clinking sound of metal hitting metal resonates throughout the area.

"I've got something!" one of the uniforms calls.

The team shifts to help him, uncovering the roof of the car. Castle tries to push down the hope that floods his chest. They found the car, but even with the jaws of life here to help rip open the metal so they won't have to dig the whole car out to get to them, he still worries about there not being enough time, enough air.

They keep digging as the rescue team prepares to rip open the Crown Vic. When they finally start to pull away the framework, the sound of the metal breaking is almost sickening. Castle stands back and holds his breath, praying again that he hasn't lost her or Ryan. He watches in horror as the paramedics pull out their limp bodies.

 _No. Please don't let it be. No._

"Are they alive?" Esposito asks the question he's too afraid to.

The paramedics are still checking their vitals and it takes Castle every ounce of restraint he has to keep from rushing to Beckett's side. He wants to check for himself, reassure his anxiety ridden body that she still has breath sounds and a pulse.

"We got to them just in time," one of the paramedics confirm. "It doesn't seem like they had much air left, but they should be all right now."

Castle exhales the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. They're going to be okay. They made it to them just in time.

Esposito sidles up beside him, patting him on the back. "You gonna wait until she's conscious this time?"

Castle tosses him a curious glance. "To do what?"

"To profess your love to her."

He forgets sometimes that it wasn't just the two of them when she was shot. He often forgets that his words didn't only fall to her ears, if they even reached her at all.

"I'm going to make sure she hears me this time, yes," Castle pauses before asking his next question. "Do you think she's going to freak out on me?"

Esposito shakes his head as he watches the paramedics load Ryan and Beckett into the waiting ambulances. "The way I've seen her look at you lately? I think she just might say it back."

* * *

They let him ride with her in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. Esposito went with his partner, so it's only fair that he got to go with his. The EMT riding in back with him assured him that she'll start to come to soon, once the oxygen mask and IV fluid drip in her arm get her levels back up.

He doesn't want to rush her, but at the same time he just wants to get her lucid self alone in a room with him so they can finally talk. They need to. To finally get it all out there and figure out what this thing between them is. He knows she's felt something more, noticed it in her smiles and new gentle touches. But so many things have been left unsaid and after almost losing her again today, he's done letting things go on unspoken.

Castle notices her start to come to underneath the oxygen mask, her fingers twitching around his. He squeezes her hand in reassurance. A few more moments pass before she squeezes his hand back and her eyes flutter open, eventually coming to focus on him. She lifts her other hand to remove the oxygen mask, despite the paramedic's protests.

"Castle," she wheezes.

"Shh, it's okay. You're gonna be okay," he soothes, stroking her hair.

"Cas -" Beckett tries again.

"Kate, just focus on breathing right now, okay? We can talk when you're better."

He keeps stroking her hair, enjoying the feel of her silky strands against his fingers. She shakes her head and he wonders if this is her trying to get him to stop. But when she struggles to speak again, he realizes it's her disagreeing to his 'we can talk later' statement.

"Castle, I just need you to know -" she takes a deep breath, lowering the mask back down for a second. "That I love you too."

Too. _Too._ She loves him _too._

"You remembered?" he breathes, watching her nod from back under the mask.

"Not gonna almost you lose you again," she mumbles. "Need you."

He squeezes her hand hoping that she's lucid enough to remember this later. But even if she's not, he at least has his answer now. Kate Beckett loves him too.


	4. Chapter 4

He has to keep reassuring himself that she's going to be okay as he watches her sleep in the hospital bed. They'll probably even discharge her later this afternoon. She's just dehydrated and oxygen-deprived. This isn't like last time, no surgeries, no moments where her heart stopped. She looks peaceful as she sleeps, her body relocating the rhythm she almost lost.

And then it occurs to Castle that he's watching her sleep and how creepy that might seem to her when she wakes up. He's thankful for the distraction when he hears his phone ring, only to realize that the sound isn't coming from his pocket, but hers - her clothes from earlier having been draped over the chair in the corner by a nurse.

Castle moves to retrieve the phone from the pocket of her jeans, only planning to answer it if it's Jim inquiring about the state of his daughter. A 1-800 number flashes across the screen instead. Probably some scam or annoying sales call. He answers it anyway, in the mood to tell someone off after the day he's had. A man on the other line asks if he's happy with his current insurance company. Castle proceeds to give the poor solicitor an earful before hanging up and feeling marginally better.

When he goes to close out of the dial pad, he notices that her notepad app is open. He knows he shouldn't read it, but he sees his name typed on it. He only skims over it at first until he sees it for what it truly is. This was her saying goodbye to him. She didn't think she was going to make it out alive and he was the person she needed to say goodbye to.

Castle devours the note then, his heart breaking over her words. She didn't just remember his words to her, she's known about them since it happened. But she'd lied to him to protect herself, her heart. All because she wasn't sure if he'd meant them. How could she not know -

"I take it you found the note."

Her words startle him out of this thoughts. How long has she been awake? Since the phone rang? Since he told off the insurance salesman?

"Please say something," she says, when he still doesn't turn around.

He clutches her phone in his hands as he finally turns to face her. "How could you not know that I meant it?"

She hangs her head, expelling a sigh and a pushing a hand through her hair. "It's a stupid excuse, I know, but you never tried to tell me when you were sure that I could hear you."

Castle moves back over to the chair by her bed where he had previously been residing. He hands her phone to her after realizing that he's still holding it. She's cradles it into her chest, glancing down at the note still open on her screen.

"I do love you," she tells him. "I realized it even before...all of this happened. But listening to Ryan talk about his wedding like it was never going to happen now...it made me think about all of the things you and I would miss out on if I didn't make it. And I don't want to wait anymore, Castle. I want - I want you, us."

His fingers brush across her shoulder. "You have to stop this whole almost dying thing, especially when I'm not there to help you through it."

That gets her to smile, but her gaze still doesn't meet his.

"You know, Esposito said something about being open to ideas while we were trying to find you guys and just that phrase was enough to make me start thinking about our kiss."

"You kissed Esposito?"

And there it is, that smirk in her eyes, as she finally manages to look at him.

"You know damn well that I am not talking about Esposito."

He watches her draw her lower lip into her mouth and _oh_ is she thinking about it too?

"And I kept telling myself, this whole time that you were missing," Castle continues, "that when I got you back, I was going to tell you how I felt again because you needed to know. Because it wasn't fair to either of us to keep hanging out in this limbo we've gotten ourselves into. I just wish you had told me sooner -"

Her hand instantly reaches for his, anchoring him to her.

"I know and I'm sorry. And I know that sorry doesn't make up for everything, for the time that we wasted, but -"

His other hand moves to cover hers, trapping her hand in between both of his.

"You're alive, Kate. You've been shot in the chest, buried alive, and who knows what all else since I've met you. But you're alive. Don't think about it as time wasted, more like time you needed to heal. Am I upset that you didn't tell me sooner? Yeah, of course I am. But the truth is out now and I'm just so happy that you're alive. I thought for sure that you guys would have run out of air by the time we found you."

"So what you're saying is, you're too relieved I'm alive to be mad?" Beckett asks.

He chuckles softly at that, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"I'm mad that you lied, but not enough to - I want this, Beckett. You and me and wherever this relationship takes us. And sure, I wish it had started sooner, but if you're ready it can start now. And having you...that's all I need."

"Then I'm ready," she tells him. "Because I need you too."

God, he wants to kiss her. To taste her again and feel the warm press of her body against his.

"I'm also ready to get out of here," Beckett keeps talking. "I'm breathing just fine now. Could you go find a nurse or a doctor or someone?"

He nods at that, moving to the doorway and stopping the first person he sees in the hallway.

"She's getting someone," Castle tells her, turning back to face her bed. "And I think I saw Jenny coming down the hall. Ryan's room must not be too far away from yours."

"This might sound crazy, but I feel a lot closer to him after today. I guess almost dying with someone will do that to a person."

"Not crazy at all. That's how I felt after we got stuck in that freezer."

She hums, her gaze shifting to eye the nearly empty IV drip by her bed. "You know that's when I think I started to realize that you and I could be something more. I didn't want to lose you and I didn't want all of it to be over before it even started."

"So then why didn't you ever say anything?"

"I don't know," Beckett sighs. "I was with Josh."

"You weren't happy with him," Castle reminds her. "At least not during that case. You said you wanted someone who you could dive into things together with and you didn't think it was him."

"Because I think a part of me knew that Josh and I would never go anywhere. He was safe. But with you - I think I knew we could be something real and I just wasn't ready for that. But like I said, I'm ready now."

He steps closer to her bed again, seeking her proximity. "You gonna need a lift home?"

She nods. "Yeah. And you'll probably have to come upstairs with me. You know, to make sure I don't collapse or something."

Castle grins, stepping aside to let the head ER nurse pass with the discharge papers. Yeah, he was definitely ready for this.

* * *

She unlocks her apartment door, Castle right at her back. She can feel the heat radiating from him and is almost tempted to collapse into his arms right then and there. But she propels herself forward despite her itching need to touch him.

"Can I get you anything to drink?" Beckett asks, when they've made it past the threshold.

"You don't need to wait on me," Castle tells her. "If anything I should be waiting on you. You're the one who just got out of the hospital."

"Yeah, but I'm fine," she says, wandering into the kitchen to find scissors to cut off the hospital band around her wrist. "And you don't even know where the glasses are."

"I'm sure they're not hard to find," he says, trailing after her. "I could always open every cabinet until I find them."

Beckett turns away from the counter after freeing her wrist, nearly bumping into him in the process. Why was he standing so close? She figures he has the same aching need to touch her that she does him. So she presses her hands against his chest, not at all surprised when she feels his arms slip around her waist and pull her into him. She lets herself sink into his grip, her arms slipping around him and her head falling into the crook of his neck. A contented sigh escapes her lips as her she fists his shirt in her hands. This is what she needed.

"I thought I'd never get to do this," he whispers into her hair. "And I've thought that way too many times now."

"Can't help it that people want me dead," she whispers back.

She means it as a joke, but the way his arms tighten around her tell her that he took it way too seriously. Beckett pulls her head back a little to look up at him.

"Castle."

"People do want you dead, Kate. That's why you were shot."

She presses her nose against his neck. "I won't let them. It's my turn to be happy for once. Happy with you."

He loosens his grip around her, unwrapping one arm from her waist to tilt her chin up toward him.

"So just to clarify, you and I, we're really doing this?" he asks.

Beckett doesn't answer, instead closing the gap between them and capturing his mouth with hers. He tastes like she remembers and she takes comfort in that. Castle deepens the kiss, doing that thing with his tongue that caused her to moan the last time. She does this time too, her hips rolling into his.

He starts to walk her backwards until she feels her back connect with the cool, hard metal of the fridge. Castle uses the new leverage to lace his fingers through hers and pin her arms above her head. The hard planes of his body press into her and she lets another moan fall from her lips as he drags his mouth down to her neck. She cants into him, needing him everywhere all at once.

But he pulls back, resting his forehead against hers, his breathing heavy.

"We still have a lot to talk about," he breathes.

"I know. But are you going to ruin the moment by bringing that all up now?"

Castle shakes his head, leaning forward to steal another quick kiss from her lips.

"No, no, but before we go any further I just have to say one thing."

Beckett toys with the tuft of hair at the nape of his neck while she waits for him to continue, his hips still pressed against hers.

"While I have you here, completely lucid and conscious, I just wanted to tell you that I love you."

She hums, raking her nails up through his hair. "I definitely heard you that time." She nips at his lower lip, rolling her hips into his. "And I love you too."

* * *

Ryan catches her by the elbow as she starts to leave the break room with her coffee. She turns to smile at him, cradling her mug with both hands.

"How are you?" Beckett asks.

"Better," he nods. "How about you?"

She can't stop the smile that breaks across her face. "I'm good. Really good actually."

Ryan returns her grin. "Really? I take it you and Castle talked."

"We did...among other things."

He shakes his head. "No, I don't need to hear about that. It's like listening to my sisters gush about their boyfriends."

She laughs, bringing her coffee mug up to her lips.

"So, you gonna tell Gates?" Ryan asks.

"I think we plan to leave her out of the loop for now. See if we can't get her to warm up to Castle a little more first to decrease his chances of being kicked out."

"You think you two can keep it in your pants at work?"

Beckett groans, rolling her eyes and giving him a little shove. "Do you talk to your sisters that way?"

"No, but I'm usually not friends with their boyfriends so."

She shoots him a look as she starts to walk out of the break room again. She pauses in the doorway, turning back to look at him. "I told you we'd make it out alive."

He follows her out of the room. "Says the person writing goodbye letters on her phone."

She can't help but laugh at that. "Okay, so maybe I panicked. But I was very positive in the beginning."

Ryan laughs too, trailing behind her as they head back to their desks. "You know, Beckett, I could tell Castle had it bad for you before by the way he looked at you, but the way that he's looking at you now...what did you do to him?"

Beckett smirks, chancing a glance over at the writer. "Trust me, Kev. You don't want to know."


End file.
